Dear Butterfly,

Dear Butterfly,
Your wings just flapped.
Did ya notice?
Did ya noticed the Hurricane you started in my heart?

Dear Butterfly,
Could you feel your effects?
Did ya notice?
Did ya notice when I got sucked in to your swirlin Vortex?

Dear Butterfly,
You're in a different Hemisphere.
But did ya notice?
Notice what ya do over there comes on over here?

Something really hit me tonight. The people in my life right now, those that i love and care about more than anything in the world, might not be in my life like they are if ONE decision in someones life had been different. Not even necessarily OUR lives. Just someones. What if somewhere along the way, ONE person, say the guy who founded my Lutheran Camp, say he decided to make the camp go all through highschool and not stop at going into 7th grade. My life would be SO much different. I cant even think what my world would look like right now. Its impossible to imagine. Absolutely impossible. And to think that this "choose your own adventure book" life of mine has met up with the "books" of the people i love in this way is simply unfathomable. I just cant believe ive gotten so lucky. But its scary the power we have over our own lives and other peoples lives and how it affects EVERYONES future. I just... I cant fully understand.

PRIDE

I made a discovery about myself today. The thing I seek almost more than any other thing, the thing that I Strive for, Work for, Yearn for, its not Approval, or Acceptance, or to "Fit In." Its not a Simple Task. Its not Changing This or That about myself to make other people Like me. My Goal, it seems, is to make people PROUD of me. I could name off person after person that I would want nothing more from them but for them to be PROUD of me. I want to look into their Eyes and KNOW and FEEL that they are PROUD of me, that they know that I Am Something and that i have Done Something worthy of them.

And the need to make them LOVE me. I know they do. I KNOW it. But I often reject that fact and do anything that I can to Make them Want to Love me more. So Much More. I Want them to Love me as Much as I LOVE them.

These are the things that make me Sick at night. That I lie awake thinking about. These are part of the reason I Write Letters like I do. I want them to Know that I LOVE them and that I SEEK their PRIDE in me, though I may not directly say it. I want them to put This or That Page up on their Cork board.

I want them to be PROUD of me. LOVE me. That's it.